a flash of yellow

This morning my own flesh screamed to stay in bed. Then it became my head, overwhelmed with thoughts to distraction for the last 24 hours or so, about the world around me. I feel caged yet the need to be alone.
But the obvious is the easiest to deal with. It's the less obvious, the deeper stuff that's the hardest to deal with when you can't even define it. There has been an underlying buzzing that has been working its way up, louder and louder underneath obvious layers... but what is it? Where is it coming from? Is it real? Imagined? It's driving me crazy I do know that. Making me want to pace this morning.

Finally I recognized it. It's coming from within. Within myself. It's my heart, my heart is working its way from buzzing into a full blown scream... to scream for relief from what is happening around me - it feels as if it it will burst!

It's not the first time.
My heart was screaming when my dad was lying with his hand in mine in the process of death, struggling to breathe, before he finally heard me say go home and breathed his last in my arms and the peace of God washed over me. My heart sang then finally!

When I first beheld the poverty of Columbia on my very first trip with Compassion International it was in the eyes of a young girl named Evelyne, telling me of being raped and beaten by an uncle numerous times, her fear, hurt, despair... then she sang me and the Compassion International team I was with her own song she had wrote about her Redeemer that she saw in the stars as she looked up each night from her bed while it happened and how He saved her, and how His peace washed over her. My heart sang then in that moment and the screaming stopped!

I know what I need. Him. I dig out my laptop and began opening my favorite sites holding Gods Word. Looking for comfort. I couldn't concentrate. Weird I thought, God's Word brings comfort, yes, but today I still felt like pacing.
Then I heard Him whisper, just sit and talk with me.

So I do and I start with the flash of yellow I saw two days ago in footage from Haiti I cannot get past. I cannot get it out of my head. A yellow shirt on a small body underneath the grey block 5 times bigger than her. My heart vibrates.
The grey is everywhere. Stone, mortar, dirt, sand, lack of life.
So much grey it hurts my eyes to look at it. How? Grey by its definition is a "lack of colorfulness", but it hurts, literally hurts my head and my eyes when I look at the photos and reports
Then that flash of yellow on the news video that caught my eye.
Yellow is such a cheerful color... sunshine, daisies, smooth sweet butter, warmth... my granny Reva showed me how to hold buttercups under a chin and see a reflection of that color underneath.
A little yellow shirt, so bright against the grey. I have not been able to get that little flash of yellow out of my mind. Its beginning to whine, my heart.

I wonder if she felt happier that morning just by putting it on. It looked amazingly clean and bright. Maybe it was new, new to her at least.
She looked size wise to be about 4, but size in Haiti in regards to age is not an easy thing to discern.
Malnutrition has made some children so small for their age, their development process very slow and off somehow.
It doesn't matter I guess in the grand scheme of things that I wonder about.

How did her day begin? You might say it doesn't matter in perspective to how it ended, but it does. How her day began, how every child's day began and begins in Haiti matters, as much there as it does for any child here.
I want to the flash of yellow to go away. I want just as much to never forget it. I want my heart to stop screaming. His peace is at the edges, I feel it like a far away outline of a huge bubble so I know its there. But maybe I am meant to hear the screaming for awhile longer.

The flash of yellow I cannot forget, never will. Her little body was silent and unmoving, grey too with the dust of the rubble on and around her.
That yellow shirt... had her mom or dad, maybe a big sister dressed her, maybe lovingly helped her fix her hair in sassy little braids of sorts sticking up all over her head? Were they alive? Did she die alone?
And my heart is not silenced at all - it is writhing as it screams!

But here's what my God shared with me as we talked this morning.
My heart still moves and screams because it needs and desires His comfort and presence, to be closer to Him in this time, and that is my own dance with Him... It is my Lord drawing me to His heart!
To discover His purpose in the goodness that will come of this is the continuation of the dance. And that takes time. How best to walk through something with someone than to hurt for them, with them, even past them. To be a follower of Christ means to follow Him to where He is needed and to see and feel as He does as much as we can. He feels the hurt, the pain, the loss, and as His we should too. Thank you that I feel you God - that you want to dance with me!

I just read a Twitter post that a baby girl was born safely this morning in Port Au Prince Haiti... in the midst of destruction, life begins anew, life goes on.

2 Corinthian 4:8-10 NLT
8 We (they) are pressed on every side by troubles, but we (they) are not crushed. We (they) are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We (They) are hunted down, but we (they) are never abandoned by God. We (they) get knocked down, but we (they)are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our (their) bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our (their) bodies.

My heart screams so yours won't scream alone, so that new born Haitian baby's heart will not scream alone, and so that other hearts may begin to hear and not remain silent for "them".

screaming in love!
Marisa

Marisa Lykins

Think Again...

Got the list below in an email...
I added a little and tweaked a bit, but Truth is Truth!!
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Most people we admire in scripture didn’t think they could be used either. We remember that they were great men and women of God, but we forget they were in desperate need of him

Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were told they were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah though of talking his own life
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
AND Lazarus was dead…
What did they have in common?

Jesus helped, changed, and used them all!
He chooses the weak because in our weakness His strength is revealed
If you feel like everything’s a mess, let Him untangle the knots as you move.
You aren't the message, you are the messenger.
No more excuses – whatever He is calling you to He is equipping you for.
Don’t buy into the lies anymore - Listen only to His Voice of Truth

**Marisa’s twist on an unknown authors thoughts

The Perfect Man?

I received some of the following statements in an email forward after getting an earlier email the same day about a friend of mine who is struggling right now. She's a single mom who is so dedicated to her kids, her friends, her church, and her community and I thought of her when I read it. I also thought of several other ladies, some single some not, who have shared some things with me over the past few months... I tweaked it a bit and added a few thoughts. Ladies, this is for for you...

Dear Friend, if you are longing today, you don’t have far to look:

He is a gentleman – He never takes anything by force, and gives selflessly
He is a confident provider and protector
He is rich and powerful… He owns everything; and there is nothing He wouldn't do for you
He perfects all things concerning you
He anticipates your wants and needs, He has from before you were formed
Every day He tells you and shows you how much He loves you – Are you listening?
You never have to perform in order to earn His love
He keeps all of His promises
No one can influence His opinion of you – in fact He intercedes on your behalf and you have no greater fan!
He is the ultimate intimate partner – the lover of your soul, your creator and the only One who knows you inside and out
He can't disown you or throw you away, you are a part of Him and bought with a precious price
He covers you and doesn't expose you
And He left you the most wonderful love letter, unforgettable words of encouragement and care so you will never forget how He feels about you…

Wake up every day and greet Him in your life!
His is Christ Jesus, and His perfect love is all you need.
Rejoice today no matter what it may bring - The King has claimed you as His princess and His bride and loves you more than any man or anyone ever could!

Marisa
Love89

I was wearing Jesus!

In the middle of 250+ children, countless moms, the deacons and elders, pastors, project workers, and the team I was traveling with in Ghana Africa, at the Galilea Gods Will Compassionate International Student Center… I, a simple 43 year old mom and wife, learned what it was like to wear Jesus.

Outside of Accra Ghana, as our team gathered to interact with the children who had been planning and anticipating our arrival for weeks, the energy was palpable.
After an amazing worship service together their eyes and smiles were so big as they watched us begin to set out our bags of toys and playthings down to arrange them. I remember wondering if their little faces might actually be getting sore from so much smiling - their little cheeks almost bursting!
The laughter, singing, squealing, and hand clapping was deafening as we pulled out the bubbles, coloring sheets, stickers, balls, jump ropes, and more! The children rushed up against me, against us all, making large circles surrounding us at least 7-8 bodies deep.
They were so excited! So were we!
The air was so thick, hot, and humid with all our bodies pressed together. The music started again and some groups began dancing . They LOVE to dance!
As I moved from one spot on the floor to another just to try and make sure I interacted with as many different children as possible they followed me as if their cloths were sewn to mine.
Suddenly what could have been have been overwhelming suddenly wasn't at all. Everything seemed to almost begin to move in slow motion and I felt calmness and a sense of peace in that chaos that was so surreal.
That’s how it began...
As things slowed I could almost hear the rustling of cloth against cloth as I moved through the crowd of kids, then the scrape of my shoes along the concrete floor as I moved back and forth. I looked down as I felt the small arms of a young wisp of a girl wrap around my waist and her small feet stepped up to stand on mine - just to be as close to me as possible.
I heard a whisper in my heart say "see, this is what it was like for me, to be surrounded by those who love you because you are you, and simply want you to love them the same way in return".
“What?” my heart lurched.
"See the child at your side, she has been waiting to just be able to touch you, for you to just be with her and show her you care.” I did see how she simply looked at me with excitement and expectation and I wrapped my arms around her and we swayed together to the drums. I told her she was beautiful and she beamed!
After we danced a while, I worked my way over to where the bottles of bubbles were and begin holding the wand up to all their lips. Laughter erupted from all of us each time the bubbles floated up!
The voice whispered again, “See there, there is a young boy waiting for you to really see him" I seemed to feel gentle fingers gently turn my head to where a group of children still sat in their chairs, not up and running around like the others. I saw a young boy with what I could only assume was cerebral palsy being held in his sisters lap – they were watching me intently.
As the sounds all rushed back as my eyes rested on that young boy. I walked over to him holding the bubble wand out. His big brown eyes crinkled up in the corners as he tried to smile at me. I held the wand close to his lips and he breathed out toward it as best he could, trembling with excitement… his sister smiled so sweetly at him then at me. I joined him in blowing into the wand and bubbles flew up! He jerked with joy! And when he felt the tiny bubble burst on his cheek that we created together his breathing turned to bursts of his own unique sound of laughter!

I laughed out loud too and Jesus whispered again. “See how beautiful? How precious each breath is? How much I love Him and how much I love you? So much that I orchestrated and wove threads of your lives together over 10,000 miles of ocean apart just to bring you to this place, at this moment, all so this young child could blow bubbles with me!”

Tiny hands reached for my attention again and I turned. As I reached out to pull all the children close to tell them of how much my Jesus loved them, what He did for them long ago, what He wants for their lives, it was as if I could feel His hands lovingly on top of mine, His arms draped along my shoulders as I hugged them… As I asked them if this news of my Jesus made them happy they began to dance with joy and pulled me along with them.
That voice sweetly said “See? Through you I love them, I touch them, I play with them and I dance with them, and through them I love you, touch you, and dance with you my daughter”

Oh my word, I was wearing Jesus!

See the thing is, we can make a choice every day at any given moment whether or not to put on Jesus. Like the softest of sweaters we can see with His eyes, touch with His hands, serve with His heart, dance with Him... He’s already there, waiting.
Oh how I want to wear Jesus!

All I Can Say Is Beautiful!

We serve a beautiful God who could weave a thread across and ocean to bind the lives of an African child to mine... Todd and I just became mom & dad again with the help of Compassion International! Meet my Bernard and his sweet sister Beneditta from Ghana!

Lucy

Day 2 continued - Lucy walks home from the Compassion Project long dirt roads. A beautiful girl with a shy smile who passes street after street lined with adults and kids alike in need, looking for hope. She passes a man selling third hand shoes that he found in the dump to earn a living. She keeps her head up though. She passes a building falling in on itself that holds a make shift market stand where a woman sells soup to take care of her family - selling it to those who have nothing to cook soup on... no big silver pot to place over an open flame for them or they would try to eek out a living too.
Lucy walks on, gingerly stepping on stones over the open sewer stream that runs where a street used to be a few years ago. That sewer stream leads to a small lot with a three walled room where she and her family crowd into to sit, and escape the midday sun, and simply be a family.
Did I mention her family consists of Lucy, her dad, her stepsister an brother, her grandmother and great grandmother, who cares for them all while the dad makes $1.50 a day to fish on another mans boat. That is their income - when the fishing is good that is. It not right now. Both previous wives walked away from this family. Did I mention they have to buy undeground water because they have none in the home? Did I also mention that everytime it rains it foods the three walled concrete floor with that sewer waste we so carefully stepped around and over to visit her home? And that they need rain though to grow food? And that they asked us to pray about both????

Did I mention Lucy has hope because each day when she walks home its from the local Compassion Project where she has just been fed, looked after, educated, and loved on by men and women who love Jesus and want to make sure Lucy has every opportunity to know and love Him too?

to sponsor a child log on now to love89.org and click the link on the bottom left!
Marisa

My Africa?

After quite the ordeal to get here that meant our finally plane left JFK 3 hours late and with a whole new brake system... I was strangely very calm about.
I arrive in the capital of Ghana. Standing in the rundown airport, with it's odd odors, the airport staff wearing facial masks to ward of the swine flu germs and Lord knows what else floating around, people from so many places, going to so many places, and bits of languages I do no understand in the least... I am still strangely calm.
After sitting in a shuttle van for almost an hour crammed full of most of our team and luggage alone in the parking lot in strange country waiting on our team leader who was inside the airport with 2 whose luggage did not make it... I am again, calm.

Check in. Lunch. An unexpected chance to go ahead and visit a Christian school outside Accra with Dr John of the Ashanti Tribe & Rev Harry Thomas of the states (the two men have been friends for 20 years & with Gods divine vision obediently birthed this school to sit right smack dab in the middle of a Muslim Community!).
I met the head mistress (helping run this school since its inception, she is 60 years old now with the most beautiful skin and smile and laugh.
The ride from there to the top of a mountain Dr John wanted us to see took us through villages and towns with an assault on my senses - smells, sights, sounds, potholes that could swallow small cars, the haves and the have nothings living side by side along the way... not only am I calm... I feel at home.

What does this mean? I think it means that the next few days of my Compassion International Trip that has brought me to this strange and wonderful place I have somehow yearned for will contain untold assaults on my other senses, the more important ones - my spiritual eyes and ears, my heart, and my soul... I can't wait to see what God will reveal here in Ghana~

Marisa
Love89

To Sweat or Not To Sweat

To sweat or not to sweat – that is the question...
OK, I’m reading “The Noticer” by Andy Andrews, our Chick Chat Book Club selection of the month for July. One of the main characters, Jones, a.k.a the noticer, who always turns up just when he’s needed with just the right things to say, the right advice to give, and a different perspective of their life that seems to impact that life almost supernaturally, just spoke something into the life of another character in the chapter I was on last night that really was pretty cool. Jones asked Henry if he had ever heard the phrase “don’t sweat the small stuff?”
We’ve pretty much all heard that one and we all agree probably that in the usual context (things out of our control) that its very true and very good advice. But Jones challenged Henry to view that statement in a different way. Not to negate the meaning of it the way we have always heard it, but to see it in a different light, from a different perspective. We should sweat the small stuff when it comes to the actions we choose to take, that affect others, that affect how they see us, things we are in control of at least in the sense of having that choice.
The choice to make dinner for that sick person at church, or down the street
The choice to offer to run an errand for a friend that is overwhelmed
The choice to take a couple bucks and give it to the person in front of you in line at the store because they’re a little short
The choice to court your spouse like you did before you were married
The choice to ask that friend out for coffee that you haven’t spent time with lately – or that new friend that needs to feel included
The choice to stop, smile and say hello to that person at the table next to you at Panera who looks like they could definitely use someone just to acknowledge they are alive
The choice to sweat the small stuff that you can do or not do that really matter to everyone around you.
We all have a dream, the big picture if you will, of what we want our life to be, and how we want others to see us…. In “The Noticer” Jones said that in this case most of us don’t get that the big picture we envision will be entirely composed of the small stuff – that the big picture will never be a masterpiece if we ignore all the purposeful tiny brush strokes… and a lot of those have been painted into our big picture by others right?
Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,
The truly amazing thing is that when we do in this context “sweat the small stuff” we not only change our own big picture but we can actually get to be one of the beautiful tiny brushstrokes in someone else’s masterpiece!

Marisa
Love89

Gifts

To really live, fully live and feel alive, we have to find our passion... we have to use our gifts to serve. And we all come equipped for at least one thing that is THE thing that will pull and draw us to finally selflessly serve & give to others and will simultaneously draw us closer to Christ. By the way, serving is simply doing what He has already made you good at to make someone else’s life better!
We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Romans 12:6-8)
Sometimes the way we become aware of that gift comes quite unexpectedly. It may not be what you ever even knew you had a heart and burden for, or ever considered that you would be good at... sometimes it’s revealed because we decided to step outside our comfort zone one day, we go along with our family or small group to join others at a homeless shelter, or decide to adopt a single mom and her family at the holidays, or we pitch hit for a friend who is sick and can’t pull her Mobile Meals route one day, and WHAM - your heart becomes both broken for what you see the needs are around you and at the same time it is joyful and you somehow feel more excited and fulfilled than you have in years – if ever before!
Identifying what your gifts are can be gained from close introspection of yourself, how you react to certain situations, by taking a spiritual gifts assessment (of which there are plenty online, and in most churches), sometimes God simply reveals it to you with a resounding clarity during a mission trip, walking through a difficult season of life with a friend , any number of experiences where you spend selfless time... God will use that time to hone your gifts and reveal them to you and to others.

And no, you aren’t the exception, a person with no visible gifts, you were not left out, EVERYONE has been gifted with talents. If we are made in His image we contain His love, compassion, and concern… He would not command us to do His work without giving us what we need to do it!

(continued)

Discover them:
1. Take a gifts test to determine how God has gifted you. They are easy to search on the internet or your home church may already have one. Also ask yourself what gives you life? What makes you happy to do? What are you good at? What do your friends think you are especially good at?
2. Make a list of your top two or three spiritual gifts you score the highest on. What ways do you already use those gifts? Look for ways you can serve God and others that highlight these strengths. Think about the things that cause you concern in your world.
4. If there are things you’re currently committed to and perhaps not gifted in, you may need to cut back a little so you can make time to really use your gifts. If you are doing something just because, truly begin seeking that new passion – it may be right under your nose!

1 Corinthians 12:4 (New Living Translation)
There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all.
Romans 11:29 (New Living Translation)
For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.

Whatever you do seek and use your gifts. Think about it this way - if you gave a gift to someone that you really thought so long and hard over, that you went through the trouble matched up a gift for someone with everything you knew about their likes, their dislikes, their personality, what you thought would benefit them the most, and they never used it, no doubt you’d be disappointed . . . How much more so must God, who uniquely created and gifted each one of us, eagerly desire to see us use our gifts!? He’s passionate for you, be passionate for funding the purpose He created you for!

How Deep Are We Digging our Ditches?

In 2nd Kings Chapter 3 the three kings join forces to come together to fight Moab. They found they were in need of help in the desert with nothing to sustain them or give them the edge they need to fulfil the mission they had been given. Elisha gives them a word from God... to dig ditches.
Dig ditches. In the desert.
Now, without any rain or clouds in sight the three kings and those they served with in battle obeyed and dug the ditches. They awoke to ditches filled to the brim! This is a passage I never thought about much until my pastor shared it at the prayer walk we did at our churches new property recently (I shared that prayer walk in my last blog entry).
What I have been meditating on is how my pastor used it that day. I have been thinking about the fact that they received the abundant blessing they needed and more because of two things.
They dug when they were told to dig, and that they dug deep - they went all in.
In the dry, arid, desert earth, they dug them deep.
It's not the easiest thing to do, to dig when its dry, in the heat, the sand flying in your mouth and eyes blinding you to everything that is ahead, in a barren landscape, when you can't see the outcome in front of you... but dig they did.
Sometimes we are seemingly asked to do things that don't make sense, so we only do them halfway maybe. Sometimes we we are asked to do things that make perfect sense, the next logical step in the process if you will. But we still only do them half heartily because we expect the next logical reaction to the step we take. We're not expecting miracles.
Our Pastor made this comment - that most of the time we don't dig our ditches as if we are expecting enough, so we never receive the total blessing intended.
WOW.
What could happen if we just give God bigger reservoirs to fill?
What if we really believed He is bigger than our minds can comprehend?
What if we honestly knew in our heart of hearts that He does love us, wants the best for us, wants to give us all we need and more?
What if we truly believed that as long as we seek Him and the desires HE has for us in the center of His will, that He is waiting to bless us and those we serve in amazing ways?

Then our ditches would aways be deep and ready to receive what He is ready to give!

Each day I want to be ready, really ready to change the world. I don't know where all the ditches should be dug. I will have to depend on God to reveal that to me. And our ditches will be in different places, in different shapes, at different times, for different reasons. But one place I do know we should ALL be digging is in people, in our relationships with one another.
We should be preparing to have God pour out His mercy and grace in abundance, to anxiously be looking for glimpses of Him working in the lives of others BECAUSE we are digging into their lives ourselves... because we are about the business of helping one another open our hearts, minds, ears and eyes to receive the love, hope, joy, and blessings from Christ.
Think about how dry, parched, cracked, and thirsty the lands some people are treading through right now around you. They need to be filled so desperately with what only He can give them.
And sometimes we find ourselves in a dry land in a dry season. The digging becomes even harder then. All the focus is on the need and the pain. We have to really throw our backs into it then and dig harder.
But remember, the ditches we dig He will fill. And the deeper we dig them the bigger the blessing!
Then we can see His glory - we see Him revealed - and we realize it was never about us. It is always about others, about Him, about how we all can be filled so the excess pours out into the ditches of others in need.
Grab a spade, a shovel, a spoon, a bulldozer - whatever you need to begin with to get started, and see the ditches filled and overflowing with Him!