Thursday, October 6, 2011

Really, More Change?

Well, one could think that my life got away from me there for a bit, its been awhile since I have blogged. But God told me to be a little quieter for awhile.
As He does from time to time God stills my hand and I know its for a very specific reason. It usually tells me I need to get ready. Prepare. He is about His business and I must remain alert. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don't - like all of us. This time I listened.

I find myself in a very very different place right now for sure.
We are preparing to move from our home (we are still trying to get all sub contractors on the same schedule and ourselves too) to get those $40,000+ repairs done to our house.
My 25 year old son, David, is now a Recruit currently in Marine bootcamp at Parris Island SC, soon to become a part of the Ammunition and Explosive Ordinance Disposal Unit. Ok, really?This is my baby!
And my mom has just transitioned out of time in the hospital into a nursing home for therapy and rehab. I arrived home from a work trip with Todd to a phone call from the ER saying she was there and being admitted with a collapsed lung and more and that I needed to come quickly.
The other day I had to resign from this weekends Esther Experience as the facilitator - after much prayer I realized I just must be where He would have me be and made the very painful decision to not go where my heart had been ready to go.
I may have to also pack up my moms apartment if they say she cant go home again. There are difficult decisions ahead. The kind that can break hearts. Break relationships sometimes.

I really have to laugh here - HA! Had I really gotten to a point where "change" had sort of become an exciting thing in my life? Once I had gotten a little of the 2011 calendar behind me regarding all the changes that came my way at the first of this year, I didn't dread it as much as I had in the past. But exciting? Well, yes. I had.

But now this? When so many of the previous changes haven't been resolved? Now is when even more gets added on?

I do know from past experience that as I have prepared for the things I knew were coming I could sense and see myself letting Him make me stronger. Its easier then right? But it's always the ones that blindside me that cause me to try and circle my own wagons, and make me want to just crawl in bed and deny there is anything even going on. I tend to react that way, at least at first. I want to be left in the darkness alone. Just let me sleep how about it?

But I really don't wan't to be left alone. I don't want that. So after many tears, many cries that feel as if they are being shouted out of the wilderness, I pray. I cling to close friends. And I cling even closer to a God who was not surprised at all by the year I have had so far. He is fighting for me. For my son. For my mom. For my life. And all that encompasses.

He is my protection - "But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard." Isaiah 52:12

He is my Hero and He fights for me - "Let them give glory to the LORD and proclaim his praise in the islands. The LORD will march out like a hero, like a warrior he will stir up his zeal; with a shout he will raise the battle cry and will triumph over his enemies. Isaiah 42:12-13

He leads me along this path I am on - "Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 40:4-5

I am His Princess whom He loves - "You have been set apart as holy to the LORD your God, and he has chosen you from all the nations of the earth to be his own special treasure." Deut. 14:2

I do not know what wonderous and mysterious things He is up to in my life right now. But I do know this - He has been about it since before the foundations of time. And I also believe it is not about me.
He will finish the work He has begun and it will reveal my Christ, my life and those whom it touches will be His Glory - because it's all about Him :)