Thursday, April 12, 2012

Think You Know Me?

It's an easy thing to say you know someone. It can be from one single impression they left you with. And that's how you will see a person, perhaps even from here on out.
Maybe it's the first impression that was awkward and caught someone on a bad day. Or the 25th time you saw them, where you were the one having a bad day and misunderstood what they said or did, took it wrong, and now that's who you think that person is and how they feel about you.
Maybe what you think about them is who they USED to be, a very long time ago.

I know that I am always wrong in the eyes of some people, they just see the unintentional mistakes, most I am not even aware I am making.
Some people refuse to see that I'm not who I once was. That I am a work in progress, and because of that they don't even realize they can be different themselves. Instead they remain in the past, not allowing either of us to move forward in their mind or heart.
Some will never give me a chance - they made up their mind already based on someone elses opinion of or experience with me, and they refuse to discover anything for themselves. I can't help but wonder why they are afraid to.
Then there are the ones who will never 'see' the real me, because I don't fit the mold of what they think is pretty, funny, smart, good, or worthy of their time.
I would love for everyone to like me, but they won't. And I can't make them. And for those of you who say you could care less if anyone likes you, you're not being honest with yourself and no one is buying it :)
Yes, I know I'm not perfect. No, I don't enjoy messing up as often as I do. Yes, I know that I tend to say things the wrong way sometimes. No, I don't intentionally mean to embarrass you or myself. Yes, I know I've made some of the same mistakes over and over. No, I don't like that I am too emotional sometimes. Yes, I'm fully aware I have a kazillion faults. No, I don't ever mean to hurt you. Yes, I do feel unworthy sometimes. Don't you?

I can't force anyone to see things differently, let alone see me differently. But I believe the One who loves me more than anyone ever could really sees me. He likes me. He gives me a purpose. He wants to see me live life with joy, and in a way that brings Him honor. And He loves me even when my mistakes are many.

Do you know I'm insecure? Shy? Funny sometimes? That I love pigs? That baby animals make me squeal with excitement like a 5 year old girl, and that spiders/clowns/sock monkeys make me scream in fear like one? That I have been hurt before so profoundly that I still wake up dreaming about it sometimes? That I have done things that I had a very hard time forgiving myself for and didnt think for years that God could forgive me for? That I cry over silly things like the old Folgers Coffee Christmas commercials? Have you any idea what my dreams are? My goals? That I dread half of what I do sometimes, because its Gods desire for me not mine and I feel ill equipped? That I have had to overcome a fear of abandonment? That I used to hate even waiting in line, but that God has had me in a season of waiting that is now currently 14 months long? Get to know me, there is much much more.

I know something about us all. I know you're the same work in progress I am. We have to refuse to see us as different. That's the only way I can even begin to try to love you as Christ does and expect you to love me that way in return.

We're all broken. We all want to be liked, loved, understood, accepted, and sought out. We all want deep down to please. We all want to be pleased. We all want joy, happiness, and even if some don't admit it we all need each other - relationships, contact, touch, and a soul and heart connection.

But we ARE seen. We ARE known. We ARE understood. We ARE loved unconditionally
He has a plan to prosper and not harm us (Jeremiah 29:11)
He knew us before we were born, even as He formed us in our mothers womb (Jeremiah 1:5)
And even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4

Before one thing was created He knew what He would save us until last - what He would treasure above all! Can you see me better now? Can I more clearly see you?

HE knows way more about me than anyone ever will - always did... and He made me anyway. And He is still IN LOVE with me - He is my shield around me, my glory, the one who holds my head high."
Psalm 33:3

This is not an attempt to get anyone to say that they like me. In fact please don't.
Its just a small attempt to wake myself up and anyone else who may be sleep walking to the fact that the only way to know one another is too understand we are the same, and to truly know HIM, to want to 'see' one another the way He does - as worth loving, worth forgiving, and worth dying for.