There is soooooo much I want to share with you about my time at The Esther Experience! But to do would mean I may ruin it for you if you have never been before, and I want you to go to the next one, so I can't share all I would like...
I will tell you that God met me there in a ways I did not expect. And one way that maybe in the back of my mind I may have anticipated - anticipated because I already knew what I needed to do to address an area of my life that was not as it should be, and I knew in my heart He had been guiding me to so something about it... but as usual I had been in some sort of state of denial where I keep telling Him, "OK - if you really want me to do that then show me a sign". You know what I'm talking about, when you just keep asking for signs even though He has already all but put a giant alarm blaring neon lit up sign in your face that is 20 feet tall?! He had lovingly and gently been gently trying to lead me to the result He wanted. And me? Of course I kept adding one more need of confirmation after another until this weekend at The Esther Experience He just said "OK Girl - you asked for it" and He shouted it so loudly at me that I could not deny it any longer! But He so shouted it with love and an intense passion for me to be free from what was binding me!
The result? It meant I had an extremely difficult thing to reveal to my sweet husband, the man I call my best friend, but the man that I was keeping something from.
Here's a question - why do we always assume the ones that have loved us so unconditionally will react differently than they ever have when we come to them broken and needing them? I knew that my precious husband would love me through it all but I guess the desire to not disappoint him and left me feeling such trepidation at the thought of it all.
As always my God went before me and all I had to do was follow in obedience. As I went to bed that night safe and secure in my husbands love and acceptance I realized that even if he had reacted differently at first that I would have joy - joy in that I had been faithful to follow the leading of the Faithful One who has never failed me. No matter what happens, when we follow His leading we can always rest assured He has a bigger plan that we get to now be a part of! My relief was I think even more in the fact that I finally did what My Lord had asked me to do than even in my husbands holding me and telling me it was ok... such a wonderful blessing in them both though friends I must say.
That my dears is what it feels like to be free... we are called to be free, live free, love free, follow Him freely - true freedom is when we respond faithfully in obedience to God's leading because we finally trust He has our best interest at heart and we no longer have to question it... FREEDOM!!!! So let the chips fall where they may - the lover of our soul is calling!!!!!